Things That Are Completely Untrue
by The Long Name Ending In Cookie
Summary: Written entirely to tease bluesquirtle15 (not maliciously of course), but I thought it was of sufficient quality to share with everyone else :D. A very silly love triangle with an even sillier ending.


**Things That Are Completely and Utterly Untrue and Never Happened, Honest.**

By The Long Name Ending In Cookie

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Disclaimer: I have no connections to Yu-Gi-Oh, the characters, plots, concepts, etc., also I don't own or control my mate Ann in any way, for obvious reasons, and Izzy is the Digimon character who I also have no connection to (or interest in). 

Author's notes: This is the first time I've posted a Yu-Gi-Oh fiction; as you can see from my profile most of my previous work (done when I was 13-14) was Pokemon. Please bear with me because I never saw the entire first season of the show (nor do they sell the manga in Australia); also because this story was written entirely to tease blue squirtle 15 (aka Ann), thus parts of it are ridiculous, and parts of it are ridiculously mushy, and overall it is (hopefully) ridiculously funny if you don't take it too seriously :).

* * *

It was a cold and windy night. But inside Ann's bedroom it was warm and she was comfortably tucked up in bed, asleep and dreaming. 

Ann was walking through a peaceful forest glade, hand in hand with her boyfriend Izzy. It was a hot day, but the shade of the trees and a slight breeze brought the temperature down to a comfortable coolness. The bright sunlight was shining between the leaves over their heads, breaking up into patterns of light and shade on the ground.

There was no sound except for birdcalls and their own footsteps. Ann could even hear Izzy breathing. She turned to smile at him and he smiled back, neither of them wishing to speak and break the tranquillity. They gazed at the scenery about them appreciatively, and then Ann turned back to Izzy again.

And was startled. For she was no longer holding the hand of Izzy, but a stranger. He was roughly the same height as Izzy but the similarities ended there. His mass of spiky black hair was tipped with purple and sported a blonde fringe. He turned his mysterious purple eyes to Ann and caught her staring.

"Yami!"

The stranger did not speak, but smiled and acknowledged his name.

Ann then happened to glance downward, and realised she was still holding the hand that now belonged to Yami. She felt herself blush and she pulled away.

Yami just grinned at her, and opened his mouth to speak.

"Miaow!"

Ann awoke with a start. Now she was staring directly at a ginger kitten that did not know the meaning of personal space. Nor was it worried that it had just woken its beloved owner at some ungodly hour of the morning. It sat back and started to wash itself, supremely unconcerned.

Ann sat up and put the kitten on the floor. She did not rub her eyes or check the time; rather she spent a moment pondering the peculiar dream. It had all been fairly routine until Yami turned up. The fact that he had been in it at all was what puzzled her; they had only met once.

Admittedly, they had met on an unseasonably warm Valentine's Day in a park full of flowers and couples whilst doing exactly the same thing (looking out for someone to duel against), and somebody had been playing romantic music and a sunbeam had hit Yami exactly as Ann noticed him, and they had duelled each other using suggestive cards ("I play the magic card Mood Lighting!" "I play Love Slave in attack mode!" "I play the trap card Expensive Hotel Room!" etc) but so what? That didn't mean a thing. And Ann had actually beaten him too ("Oh dear, I seem to have lost, what a shame, I definitely did not do that deliberately so that we could meet again under the pretext of a rematch") and then gone to spend the rest of the day with Izzy.

Ann then realised what she was doing, and quickly got up and went to get breakfast so that she did not have to admit she had been happily reminiscing about the first time she met Yami.

Later, Ann decided to go and pay Izzy a visit. She went to his house, but he wasn't home. She went to one of his usual haunts, but he wasn't at the internet café either. However she found out from another patron that he had just left.

Ann went out again, wondering why she hadn't run into him if that was the case. Then she heard a voice, coming from around the side of the building, so she decided to investigate that. It sounded like somebody was using a mobile phone.

It was indeed Izzy, as Ann found out when he emerged from behind the building, pulling his sleeve down nervously, and nearly ran into her.

"Oh, hello," he said, smiling at her.

"Izzy, there you are!" Ann greeted him happily. "I've been looking for you. Were you on the phone?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Who was it?"

"Nobody."

That kind of answer made Ann a little suspicious. "What do you mean, 'nobody'? Were they a friend of yours?"

"No, my commanding officer," Izzy replied absently.

"What?"

"Just kidding," he said quickly, returning to the here and now. Ann was confused by the cryptic remark, but when Izzy kissed her she was happy to temporarily forget.

That night, after locking the cat out of her room, Ann once again dreamed of Izzy. They were walking in the same forest clearing, but this time it was evening and the stars were beginning to come out. Izzy was watching them, and so did Ann. However after a while of walking, she noticed Izzy was acting quite strangely. He had not looked at her once; instead he was now staring up at the sky, craning his neck as if trying to count every single star.

"What are you doing?" she wanted to know, but he seemed not to hear her.

Still Ann walked onward with him, and saw a figure in the distance. As she got closer, she realised it was Yami. Again. But she couldn't help but continue to walk toward him.

He was seated, and his chair was cheap plastic and looked uncomfortable, yet he sat upon it as if it were his throne. He looked up as Ann approached, and grinned as if he knew something she didn't.

Suddenly she looked around and realised Izzy was missing. Once again, she was alone in her dream with Yami.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," he said as he rose to meet her, still grinning.

"Like what?" Ann said helplessly, being too confused to say anything more intelligent. Yami said nothing more, but took her hand and lead her to the seat. She sat, looking up at Yami, feeling apprehensive, but at the same time having no desire to get up and leave. She wanted the dream to continue.

And then… the dream didn't continue. Because Ann woke up. Because her alarm went off. She hadn't actually set it, but it went off anyway. Because the universe is evil. Mua ha ha.

Ann was annoyed about being woken then, and then she felt guilty about being annoyed because she shouldn't be having those dreams anyway.

And as guilty as it made her, she had enjoyed that. Yami had been so close, she could still feel the touch of his hand; and his mysterious, shining eyes had stared into her own…

_And then what?_ said a little voice inside her head (not the crazy kind; her conscience). _What did you think was going to happen next? What did you _want_ to happen next?_

Ann felt far too guilty to answer that, and got out of bed in a hurry to go and find something to keep her busy so she didn't have to think about it.

She decided to go and see Izzy again that day, just to prove that she loved him and him alone. Who she was proving this to (apart from herself) was a mystery. Certainly not Izzy, because he didn't seem aware of much going on around him at all. In fact, he was acting kind of strangely today.

He had agreed to spend some time with Ann, but all the while acted kind of distant, as if he was preoccupied with something. More than once, Ann could have sworn he had looked up and searched the sky, just like in her dream, but not so obviously. She thought this might just be a guilty conscience though, and discounted it. But she could not ignore the fact that after spending a short time with her, Izzy made an incoherent excuse and dashed off. For the rest of the day Ann could not find him or make contact in any way.

His desertion and seeming avoidance of her upset Ann. To relieve some of her anger, she went home and filled a backpack with decks from various different trading card games, and set out again to look for someone to challenge.

Whether it was fate or chance, something guided her back to the park where she had first met Yami. It was an overcast day this time, so most of the flowers were closed, but that had not discouraged the couples, who had congregated here as usual. Ann scoured the area for annoying players of romantic music, and managed to find a decent amount, who she promptly sent on their way.

However, she did not find them all, cunning hiders that they were, nor could she control the weather, so when someone hailed her and she turned at the sound of the familiar voice, romantic music started playing and Yami was bathed in a sunbeam. He was smiling at Ann, and waved. She waved back.

"Well, imagine meeting you here, of all places," he said when they caught up with each other.

"Must be a coincidence," she replied. "Are you looking for a duel too?"

Yami grinned at her. "Why would you be looking for a duel in a place like the Romantic Park?"

Ann could feel a blush coming on and tried to suppress it. "I'm allowed." _Say something smart._ "What are you doing here?" _Oh great comeback,_ her inner voice cringed.

Yami just gave her the enigmatic smile he'd used in her dreams.

"Anyway, how have you been?" Ann asked, wanting to get onto a different subject.

"Very well, in fact. And you?"

"Yeah, not bad."

"I'm glad I found you, actually. Remember that duel we had, in this very park?"

"Yes." How could I forget? _Lucky you didn't say that out loud._ Shut up little voice, this is getting confusing. And why did I think that anyway?

"Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been irritating me ever since. Maybe you think I'm arrogant, but I just can't see how I lost. I thought maybe we could settle the score?"

"Well, I do happen to have my deck here. But if you wanted to be able to call it even, you're going to be disappointed, because I plan to win again," Ann grinned.

"Good to see you're still so confident in yourself. But let's make this fun; whoever wins buys the loser dinner."

Why was he saying that? Was he just being friendly, or was it something else? Ann really, really hoped she wasn't blushing again, and tried to sound calm. What with Izzy's behaviour today, she felt a little unloved, and was inclined to accept. "Sure, I can afford it." No harm in dinner with a friend…

Yami laughed. "Let's get this duel started."

Ann duelled her heart out, but for some strange reason she seemed to be somewhat less focused than usual. Her emotional state was made worse by the fact that Yami had magic cards titled "Long Walk on the Beach" and "Romantic Candlelit Dinner for Two". In other words, she lost.

"You duelled well," Yami told her, as they shook hands like all good sportsmen. He was grinning again, but with no hint of smugness. "It's only polite that I win this time; after all, the well-mannered man should pay for the meal."

Maybe it was with the tiniest hint of spite that Ann had agreed to go to dinner with Yami, but right now Izzy was the last person on her mind.

"I'll win the next time," she promised, as they began walking across the park to the road. Yami did not say anything to that, because across said road someone had started waving and calling to him.

"A friend of yours?" Ann asked.

"Yes, that's Joey Wheeler," Yami replied, and waved back to his friend.

"Oh, I've seen him around."

Joey reached the road and trotted across to meet them. But when he was halfway, the peace of the park was shattered by the roar of an engine. An expensive car skidded around the corner on two wheels and came thundering down the otherwise deserted road. Seto Kaiba was driving, and yelling "YEE-HAW I'M A MANIAC!" or words to that effect.

When someone gets their license in a Weet-Bix packet, there is little one can do other than pray they never get in the driver's way. So despite Joey's impressive dodging ability, the car hit him like a sack of spuds, without even losing speed.

"KAIBA!" Yami yelled after the car, which instead of stopping sped up and zoomed away, careening all over the road, with the faint sound of "YEE-HAW!" fading into the distance.

Ann followed Yami, horrified, as he ran to kneel at Joey's side.

"He's alive," Yami reported. That was the best that could be said. "I'm sorry," he continued, looking up, "but we'll have to cancel our plans. I hope you don't mind."

"Don't be stupid," said Ann. "Your friend is seriously injured, we need to get an ambulance."

"We?"

"Of course, I'm not leaving you now." She took out her phone and dialled triple-0.

Joey was taken to hospital and his friends turned up in record time. For reasons of narrative convenience, these included Yugi as a separate entity to Yami.

Eventually, all non-relatives were forced to wait outside of Joey's room. Most of them were exhausted through worrying and supporting each other at the same time, Ann being one of them. Yami noticed this, and helped her to a seat. An uncomfortable, cheap plastic hospital seat. "Thankyou," he said quietly. "For all the things you've done."

"Like what?" asked Ann. Then the déja-vu hit her: the uncomfortable chair, "like what?"—it was all from her dream.

"For calling the ambulance. For just being there."

Ann wanted to say that it was no problem, but she was so tired she couldn't get the words out.

At this point a doctor came to them to inform them that Joey was in a stable condition—no better, but not getting any worse either.

While not the greatest news, it took the tension down a notch, enough for Ann to fall asleep. And dream…

She was with Yami again, and Izzy was nowhere to be seen. She looked around. She was in a huge field of flowers, with bright sun and romantic music. In the distance, other couples could be seen, running towards each other with open arms in slow motion.

Yami appeared at her shoulder. "I think we have more dignity than this, don't you?"

Ann jumped, startled, and turned to face him. "Yes, I do."

"Here, come with me."

Yami led her away, and while the more traditional couples ran towards each other in the flower field, he and Ann made out in a handy belt of trees.

Ann woke up on her own this time. This was going too far.

She looked around to see what was going on and what the time was. It seemed a lot later. Most of the others were still dozing, or looked like they had also just woken up.

Yami came over to her. "Feel a bit better?"

Ann looked up, and nodded, untruthfully.

Yami's brow creased. "Are you sure something isn't the matter?"

"Of course something's the matter, Joey's still in there," said Ann, nodding in the direction of his ward.

"I meant apart from that. It just seems like there's something else as well, behind worrying about Joey."

Ann broke eye contact and looked downward, saying nothing. Yami gently took her arm, and began to lead her away. "Let's talk about it somewhere more private."

Ann offered no resistance as he led her to a quiet corner. "Now tell me what else is wrong. You're allowed to be upset about things other than Joey."

"You don't have to listen to my stupid problems," she replied.

"I want to. I care about them. I really like you, you know."

Ann blushed, despite herself. His hand was still on her arm.

Yami saw where she was looking, and let go. "Is it me?"

"I have a boyfriend…" said Ann quietly.

"It is me. I'm sorry, I know you do, and I didn't mean to do this to you. I'll leave you alone, I promise." He made as if to leave, but Ann stopped him quickly.

"No, don't go, it's not your fault. You've been such a good friend to me and I need you to stay my friend, please?"

"Of course," he said.

"It's just that Izzy's been acting weirdly lately, and you've been there to make me feel better. And I don't want to hurt Izzy, but he's been avoiding me, and I really like you too…"

Ann felt more confused than ever, and completely helpless. Some of the pain must have showed in her eyes, because Yami was looking at her sadly. He wanted so much to help… he was moving closer to her again…

"Excuse me."

They jumped apart. It was the doctor again.

"I hope I didn't interrupt you, but I have good news. Your friend has improved greatly, he's going to be all right."

Both of them were filled with joy at those words. On top of the worry, Ann had been filled with guilt that she was letting other problems come to the fore, but now all of these feelings had been lifted from her like a great weight. She felt tired from supporting it so long, but she went and celebrated with the others like Yami.

After being promised they could see Joey first thing in the morning, the group departed. Yami offered to walk Ann home, since it was so late. She was glad of his company, because otherwise she might have fallen asleep on her feet halfway. Somehow they ended up walking hand in hand, both supporting each other.

Something was waiting in the shadows next to Ann's house. They only noticed it when it moved, to step out in front of them. Immediately Ann pulled away from Yami.

"Izzy?"

He came forward into the light.

"I'm sorry, were you looking for me? I should have called you; I was at the hospital—"

Izzy cut short her frantic explanations, holding up one hand for silence. "It doesn't matter. Hate to break this to you, but I'm not really 'Izzy'. I'm an evil cyborg from another planet, and it's time for me to go back. I've learned plenty about your civilization from you." He then turned, and rolled up his sleeve. Then he opened a compartment in his own forearm, revealing not flesh and blood, but metal and wires. He spoke into it, whilst staring up at the sky. "Commander, unit 1969 ready for departure."

There was a crackle of static, then a tinny voice replied "affirmative. Unit 1969 stand by."

Then one of the stars that 'Izzy' had been staring at began to move, and fly lower to the ground. It was in fact a spaceship. It hovered several hundred feet above Ann's house, then let out a tractor beam to collect 'Izzy'. He floated steadily up into the UFO without a backward glance, and then the spacecraft left, carrying the cyborg out of Ann's life forever.

She and Yami stood there staring in shock for a while, an hour probably. Then Ann jumped into Yami's arms and they kissed passionately. Then, they went inside, and upstairs…

And they all lived happily ever after. Ann and Yami lived together, and Yami was not an evil cyborg, or any kind of cyborg. Joey recovered completely and was as vivacious and handsome as ever. Kaiba was caught, but was not charged because he was adjudicated mentally defective and instead put in a mental asylum, which made Joey laugh. Mokuba took over the company and it started manufacturing cookies and rubber ducks. All of the group of friends spent many happy times together hunting down annoying romantic music players in the Romantic Park.

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The End 


End file.
